Judy’s Got a Gun

The sun shimmered in through the blinds while I sat back in my chair drinking my tea. My VHS of Matlock kept screwing up, so I grabbed the clicker and fixed the tracking. Much better, I thought. I relaxed and took another sip of my tea.

A plane flew lowly overhead, its engines drowned out my beloved Matlock. I huffed in annoyance and picked up my clicker and turned up the volume. Moments later another plane drowned out my show; I again turned up the volume. Then another plane. I got up and walked to the window.

“This is ridiculous!” I exclaimed as I peaked through the blinds at the plane now in the distance.

I glared at the disappearing plane and caught a glimpse of another, flying overhead.

“No, no, no!” I blurted out in frustration.

I stomped into my bedroom and opened a drawer from my dresser. Inside, I opened a box and pulled out a pistol that belonged to my husband. I slipped it in my pocket and took my car keys.

Shortly afterward, I arrived at the airport and strolled inside. People aren’t really paying attention to me, so I decided to announce myself.

“I am going to shoot down a plane!”

Onlookers glanced at me, and then continued with their business. They must think I’m a senile, old woman who wouldn’t harm a fly. I walked through the terminal, passed security, and onto the runway. I pulled out the pistol and aimed at an incoming plane. I squeezed the trigger and shot at the plane. My poor eyesight kept me from hitting my target. The plane aborted its landing while the authorities apprehended me.

Little, old me didn’t have to go to prison. Why should I? I’m an old lady — not someone who looks like they belong on a terrorist watch-list. I’m released on bond despite the fact that I attempted murder.

Who’s up for Bingo?

(Whaaaat?)